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Do you know that feeling when an emotion suddenly overwhelms you – as if someone flipped a switch? It's not just about anger, fear, sadness, or emptiness. Even positive feelings like joy, euphoria, or an extreme high can become so intense that they tip over into overwhelm. From the outside, it often looks good. But inside, the tension increases. That's exactly what we'll be talking about today: recognizing early warning signs – before emotions take over.

This is what my bad days look like. The holidays ended on Monday. Everything is back to normal. Work, appointments, offices, responsibilities. Kim is back at work. I'm home alone again during the day. My legal guardian and the social services office have also returned from vacation. For many, this is simply everyday life. For me, it's the moment when my internal alarm system kicks in again. Not slowly. Not quietly. But immediately and completely.

I didn't ask myself this question about whether borderline personalities are neurodivergent because I was looking for a new label, but because I wanted to understand at some point why my experience feels so different . Why my feelings don't just come and go, but sometimes overwhelm me. Why little things can completely throw me off balance. And why I wondered for so long if I was simply too sensitive.

I'm not writing this to elicit sympathy. I'm writing it to show what it truly feels like to be mentally ill. What it's like to live with borderline personality disorder in a world that offers little space for inner struggles. What it's like to constantly face stigma – and how lonely this path often is. Being mentally ill doesn't just mean living with intense emotions, inner tension, and recurring crises. It also means constantly feeling like you're not functioning the way peo

I'm not writing this post because our relationship is difficult, but because it's real. Kim and I have been together for 14 years. Our love is intense, deep, and has grown over time. We know we can rely on each other when things get tough. No matter how chaotic or overwhelming things get, we're there for each other. We usually make up quickly, and loyalty is something that's never in doubt between us. And that's precisely what I want to write about: BPD meets ADHD.

For a long time, I thought it was easier to go along with everything, avoid conflicts, and try to please everyone. Only gradually did I realize how much this burdened me and that I was losing myself in the process. Setting boundaries isn't easy, but it's absolutely necessary. Why borders are so important? Boundaries protect us from being overwhelmed and exhausted. They preserve our self-respect and dignity.

This text is deliberately very specific. Not because there's one right solution, but because everyday skills are most helpful when they're tangible. Many of the things I use seem small or inconspicuous from the outside. But for my nervous system, they often make a crucial difference. Perhaps some of you will recognize yourselves in certain situations. Perhaps someone will only take away one idea. Both are perfectly fine.

Sometimes a feeling just overwhelms me, and I don't even know what's happening to me. A small sentence, a glance, a change in tone of voice—maybe something happens that would be "just" an argument or an awkward moment for others, and suddenly everything inside me is tense, dark, heavy. Everything collapses internally. My feelings don't build up gradually. They explode. I feel paralyzed, as if my body couldn't handle it all.

I often only realize in retrospect how hard I am on myself. Not just during major crises, but in everyday life. My thoughts about myself run so automatically that they don't feel like thoughts, but like facts. And that's precisely what makes them so powerful. What my negative self-images and negative self-esteem look like in everyday life Sometimes it only takes something very small. I drop something. I make a mistake. Something doesn't work out the way I planned

For me, the morning is a particularly important moment: the start of the day, a chance to consciously arrive and begin my day in a structured way. This wasn't always the case. Today, I've established a routine that gives me stability and in which I practice mini-skills – small exercises that help me start the day mindfully and present. My morning begins with getting up, going to the toilet, and taking a few minutes to really wake up.

Sometimes, a day feels "off" almost immediately after waking up. I become restless, sensitive, or overwhelmed more quickly, even though there seems to be no concrete reason for it. I used to judge myself for it. I thought I was too sensitive, too weak, or that I simply needed to pull myself together more. Today I know: Often these are early signs that I'm triggered. My triggers can be present as early as the morning.

There are days when I know pretty much exactly what my name is, but not who I am. I know what I have to do, what's expected of me, how I can function. But inside, it feels empty. As if there's no fixed self to hold onto. This feeling accompanies many people with borderline personality disorder. And for a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me.

Hello, my dears Today I would like to tell you something about dissociation... Dissociation is part of my everyday life. Not constantly, but again and again. And each time it feels a little the same and yet different. The best way I can describe it is this: I'm still here, but not quite reachable anymore.

Hello, my dears Some of you may have heard the word "skills" in connection with mental illness, or perhaps not. Here I would like to briefly explain what this is all about. Skills might sound dry at first, but for me it's the exact opposite: small tools that help me avoid drowning in chaos. Whether a storm of emotions crashes over me or I experience a moment of dissociation – skills are my anchor, bringing me back to my body and into the present moment. Sometimes I'm sitting

Hello my love, Perhaps some of you have already wondered why my blog is called "Brunhilde and I" and who Brunhilde actually is, or perhaps not. Nevertheless, I'd like to introduce Brunhilde to you in my very first post. Brunhilde is my alter ego, practically the name for my illness. It makes it easier for me to cope if I don't have to talk about borderline personality disorder or complex PTSD, but can simply say it's because of Brunhilde. It makes it a bit more "fun," even th

Hello, my dears Today I want to tell you about tension in borderline personality disorder. Controlling this tension is a crucial factor in the entire process of coping with daily life and managing the illness. The higher the internal tension, the less control I have over the destructive aspects within me. In DBT therapy, tension is categorized as low to high and rated from 0 to 10. It looks something like this: Between 0 and 3, I'm in a low-tension zone, meaning I'm still re

Hello my love It's been quiet here for a long time. That's because quite a few things have changed in the last few months. I need to start the story a little earlier... At the beginning of the year, my employer informed me that I would be laid off at the end of May 2025, even though I was just starting to recover from a very difficult period of mental health struggles. Furthermore, my personal life was in complete disarray at that time. I was having serious relationship probl