Setting boundaries – for myself and in relationships

Stefanie Garmatter
Jan 29
3 min read

Hello my loves ♥️

For a long time, I thought it was easier to go along with everything, avoid conflicts, and try to please everyone. Only gradually did I realize how much this burdened me and that I was losing myself in the process. Setting boundaries isn't easy, but it's absolutely necessary.

Why borders are so important

Boundaries protect us from being overwhelmed and exhausted. They preserve our self-respect and dignity. And they are incredibly helpful for healthy relationships because they create clear expectations, both for ourselves and for others.

When borders are especially important

I often find it difficult to set boundaries, in friendships, in romantic relationships, or simply for myself. Generally, saying "no" is very hard for me because I long believed that I had to achieve or endure everything to be loved. This often leads me to avoid conflict, even when it's not good for me. Here are some examples of situations where setting boundaries can be helpful:

In friendships: I used to often stay silent, even when something hurt or bothered me, because I didn't want to offend anyone. At the beginning of this year, I experienced so much disappointment that I started simply speaking my honest opinion. It felt incredibly good not to always be silent anymore, even though it's still very difficult depending on how I'm feeling that day.
In my relationship: Here, too, I often find it difficult to set my boundaries. Whether it's about words, behavior, or needs, I often hesitate, out of fear of conflict or rejection.
For myself: When I realize that I'm doing too much, overexerting myself, or neglecting my own self-care.
In my previous work situation: I often took on more tasks than was good for me, or accepted things that were not good for me, just so as not to disappoint anyone.

Privacy boundary, feet and shoes on the ground, footsie concept from a personal perspective

How to communicate boundaries

Setting boundaries doesn't mean being unfriendly; it means being honest and clear.

Be clear and specific: Say what is okay for you and what is not.
Use "I" messages: For example, "I feel overwhelmed when..." instead of "You always..."
Keep it short and to the point: You don't need to justify yourself or apologize.
Repetition is allowed: Sometimes your boundary will not be respected immediately, stay consistent.

My experience

I used to often say yes even when I didn't feel like it or was too tired, and I stayed silent when something hurt me. I didn't want to disappoint anyone and wanted to avoid conflict. As a result, I felt empty, drained, and often taken advantage of. At the beginning of this year, I started speaking my mind honestly, and it felt incredibly good not to always be silent anymore. Even so, it's still difficult to set clear boundaries, and depending on how I'm feeling, I often still can't manage to say no or express my opinion.

My tip for you

Setting boundaries is a learning process, so be patient with yourself. Start small: Set a single boundary, observe how you feel, and then add the next one. With each boundary you set, you strengthen yourself and make your relationships healthier.