What exactly are skills?

Hello, my dears

Some of you may have heard the word "skills" in connection with mental illness, or perhaps not.

Here I would like to briefly explain what this is all about.

Skills might sound dry at first, but for me it's the exact opposite: small tools that help me avoid drowning in chaos. Whether a storm of emotions crashes over me or I experience a moment of dissociation – skills are my anchor, bringing me back to my body and into the present moment.

Sometimes I'm sitting in the living room and suddenly realize: I'm gone, empty, like I'm beside myself. Or something overwhelms me so much that everything around me suddenly seems unreal, like it's in a movie. Then I draw on my coping skills: I consciously perceive my surroundings, focus on Blue during our walk, feel my spiky massage ball, or eat a sour and/or spicy candy. Sometimes I also write down what's happening or how I'm feeling. These small steps help me to "come back."

Developing skills isn't always easy. Sometimes I have to try several times, sometimes it only works a little, or I even need outside help. But every time I persevere, I learn: I can stabilize myself, feel myself, and treat myself with kindness – even in moments when everything seems chaotic.

For me, skill development is therefore not just a tool to cope with feelings and dissociation, but also an act of self-care. It's a way to support myself and regain small pieces of freedom in the midst of the storm.

Skills work best when you notice something coming on before things get overwhelming. That's why it's so important to know your own early warning signs. These can be physical signals like a racing heart, a lump in your throat, or trembling. Or internal signals like rising inner restlessness, racing thoughts, emptiness, or an unpleasant pulling sensation in your chest.

If I recognize these signals early, I can use my skills in time – consciously breathing, feeling, writing, moving, or applying other techniques. This way, I can stop the emotional storm before it becomes too overwhelming and maintain control over myself.

Knowing the early warning signs means paying close attention to myself and trusting my own signals. They're like little red lights telling me, "Now's the time to learn skills." If I recognize them in time, I have the chance to recover more quickly and get through difficult moments more easily.

As mentioned before, developing skills isn't always easy, and not every moment can be mastered immediately. But every small step counts. Every skill I use, every conscious action, every minute I feel present is a success.

Be patient with yourself, pay attention to your early warning signs, and allow yourself small breaks to reconnect. You don't have to do everything perfectly – it's about supporting yourself, seeing yourself, and treating yourself with kindness.

Skill development is a journey, not a destination. A path to greater stability, self-care, and freedom in your own life. Stick with it, trust yourself – and remember: You are worth feeling.

Skillen is particularly well-known from work with people with borderline personality disorder – and yes, it is incredibly valuable for that. But Skillen is far more than "just" a BPD tool.

People with dissociation, complex trauma, addictions, eating disorders, ADHD, or severe emotional distress can also benefit enormously. Whenever feelings become too intense, inner pressure mounts, or the urge to revert to old, harmful coping mechanisms arises, these skills can help create a safe space.

Skilling doesn't mean suppressing feelings. It means pausing for a moment, stabilizing oneself, and allowing oneself another choice. That's precisely why skilling is a helpful companion for many people – regardless of diagnosis or life situation.

I hope I was able to explain a little more about skill building and that you now know what it's about.

Have a wonderful day, everyone! ❤️