What helps me in times of crisis – my personal skills toolkit

Foreword

This text is deliberately very specific.

Not because there's one right solution, but because everyday skills are most helpful when they're tangible. Many of the things I use seem small or inconspicuous from the outside. But for my nervous system, they often make a crucial difference.

Perhaps some of you will recognize yourselves in certain situations. Perhaps someone will only take away one idea. Both are perfectly fine.

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Hello everyone ❤️

When things get too much for me, I usually notice it in my body first. The tension rises, my thoughts start racing, sometimes I become very loud inside, and sometimes very quiet.

In the past, I tried to endure it or regulated myself through destructive behavior. Today I know: I can help myself in a healthy way. And I can be prepared.

Over time, I've therefore put together my own personal skills kit. Actually, two: a larger one for home and a smaller one with the most important things for when I'm out and about. They give me security, not because they prevent every crisis, but because they help me not to get lost in one.

When thinking is hardly possible anymore

When I'm under extreme stress, experiencing intense thought loops, suicidal thoughts, or dissociation, I can't think logically. Then I need something to immediately bring me back to the here and now.

Strong, intense stimuli help me the most in these moments. Sour or spicy candies, sour lollipops, or Center Shocks force my attention away from my thoughts and onto something concrete. For a brief moment, my mind needs to pause. And sometimes, that very moment is enough to prevent me from spiraling further downward.

Kim knows this. Often, a glance or a silent gesture is enough, without many words. Just being understood can sometimes have a calming effect.

To calm the body down – or to feel it again

When my body is completely wired or I feel internally "out of it," I work directly through my body. Cold helps me to become clearer again. A cold pack reliably brings me out of dissociation, but also out of extreme tension.

Sometimes, though, I need heat or a burning sensation. Tiger Balm behind my ears or under my nose, or a strong hot gel, especially with a bandage, helps me to come back to myself.

These aren't pleasant stimuli, but they are honest. They're telling my nervous system: You're still here.

Fragrances – small, inconspicuous, incredibly effective

Smells play a much larger role in my regulation than I had long thought. They work subtly but directly, without me having to think or do much.

The scent of oranges, in particular, noticeably calms me and stabilizes me internally. When I'm out and about, I usually carry something with me, like a scent pendant or a smelling stick, which I can use when I notice my stress level rising.

In the evenings, especially in the bedroom, I use lavender. It helps me slow down and relax when my body is still tense and the day is still affecting me.

At home, I also use diffusers in the living room and bedroom. They help me lower my stress level early on, often before it even starts to get too high. For me, scents have become little anchors that gently bring me back without overwhelming me.

Reduce nervousness and release tension

Not every instance of tension is a crisis. Sometimes it's simply nervousness. For example, in conversations or social situations where I become very restless inside.

Especially during conversations, it helps me enormously to have something in my hands. Then I reach for small sensory gadgets like a fidget spinner, a magnetic bead necklace, magnetic fidget rings, or anti-stress balls that I can squeeze. Sometimes I also use modeling clay or sensory silicone rods and balls.

These things help me release excess tension while still being able to participate in the conversation. They give my nervousness an outlet. Quietly, subtly, yet very effectively.

When pressure, anger, or inner explosion threaten

Sometimes so much tension builds up that it has to go somewhere. Anger, pressure, or aggression then feel almost uncontrollable.

In moments like these, I reach for spiky massage balls, which I squeeze firmly, or a hand exerciser, a somewhat harder rubber ring. This allows me to release energy and relieve tension without harming myself or others.

These skills help me not to suppress my feelings, but to channel them safely. For me, this is an important part of self-care.

Break free from thought patterns

When my mind gets stuck, I need something that really challenges me. A 3D maze cube helps me incredibly well with that. Guiding the ball through the maze requires complete concentration. There's no room for brooding in that moment.

Another important self-assessment skill for me is Sudoku. If I realize I can't solve it, I know I'm still too tense or dissociated. Then I need other skills first.

Orientation when everything blurs

In cases of dissociation or flashbacks, I find that firm reorientation skills, staying grounded, and clear routines help me.

Drinking something is always very helpful for dissociation.

I have a special list of skills chains for dissociation. It hangs in our living room, and I keep a small version in my travel skills bag that I can give to others when I can barely speak myself. Kim then knows what helps me, and this knowledge gives me security, even in moments when I hardly feel it myself.

Connection as part of the skill set

I don't have to do everything alone.

Sometimes a long walk with Blue helps. Sometimes a phone call with my girlfriend or my dad.

And often it simply helps that Kim is there. Not to solve anything, but to keep up. Proximity can regulate things, just like a skill.

Skill cards – when your mind goes blank

In times of crisis or extreme stress, my mind often goes blank. I know I have skills, but I can't remember which ones or in what order . That's exactly why I created skill cards . They contain clear, concise skill sequences for different situations: for example, anger, strong suicidal thoughts, flashbacks, cravings, or when I need to stop my thoughts.

The cards take the thinking out of my hands in these moments. I don't have to decide anything, I don't have to remember anything; I can simply read and follow along step by step. This gives me support and structure when everything inside is chaotic.

Even in less acute moments, the cards help me to motivate myself or to validate myself. They remind me that my feelings are valid and that I have tools to deal with them.

For me, these skill cards are an integral part of my skill toolkit. They connect all the individual skills and make them usable even when I can't access them on my own.

Belief cards – consciously reprogramming old patterns

Some crises arise not only from tension or being overwhelmed, but also from old, deeply ingrained beliefs. Thoughts like "I am too much," "I can't do this," or "I can't make mistakes" often run automatically, so often that they eventually feel like facts.

This is precisely where my belief cards come in. On one side is the negative belief, as it appears in my mind. On the other side, I have consciously reformulated it into a new, helpful belief.

I use these cards not only in times of crisis, but also deliberately at other times. The goal is to reprogram old patterns step by step . The more often I read, say, or repeat the new sentence internally, the more things can shift, even if it feels unfamiliar or "not true" at first.

For me, the belief cards represent a long-term process of self-improvement. They help me not to believe everything my mind tells me and to gradually lay new, kinder paths.

For absolute emergencies

For very severe crises, I also have emergency medication and a mini crisis card that I always carry with me. Just knowing that these options exist gives me a sense of security. My emergency card includes, among other things, the phone numbers of my psychologist and my psychiatrist, and information on what I should do in a crisis.

My journal, my success box – and what's not possible right now.

Actually, my journal accompanies me throughout my daily life. I track my stress levels, make notes about the day, record positive and difficult experiences, recognize early warning signs, and have written down my personal emergency kit there, including one specifically for addiction issues.

Additionally, I have a success box where I like to put small daily achievements. It serves as a visible reminder that I accomplish more than my inner critic often leads me to believe.

I'm using both less at the moment. Since I stopped smoking weed, I often lack the energy for them. And that's okay. These things are options – not obligations.

Finally

My skill set has grown. Not through theory, but through experience.

I don't use everything all the time. Not every skill works equally well.

But I know: I have options. I am no longer helplessly at the mercy of circumstances.

And sometimes, this knowledge alone is enough to survive the next wave.

I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my skills toolkit and that it gave you a little inspiration for dealing with difficult moments. Have a wonderful day and take good care. ❤️